Swimming for sanity

Swimming is an activity you do when partially submerged in water. In Australia, swimming often occurs in beautiful outdoor ocean pools, or open air swimming pools. These pools offer a great connection with nature. Being submerged in water and with the sun on your back, it’s actually quite nice. Alternatively, ocean swimming, river swimming and… lake swimming? And then there are indoor swimming venues, like the Doone Kennedy Aquatic Centre in Hobart…

If you like 1 part clourine and 3 parts luke-warm water, and human piss, then indoor ‘Olympic’ venues are for you! Oh what a joy indoor swimming centres are. It’s like walking into a low grade fragrance factory or a not so secret meeting place for fatties.

Olympic venues cater for everyone. Adults pools, diving pools, children’s pools. Of course right next to the children’s pools are cafeterias so mum and dad can chow down on hot chips and thickened milk drinks. Woohoo! It’s also a great opportunity to slowly onboard their kids into obesity. Well played fatties! Also, well played Hobart City Council for capturing high margin sales! Like, what’s the cost of a bag of hot chips make you? About 8.6 Billion dollars a year?

I digress, well not really. Once you make your way through the jungle of pork and suicidal looking staff members trapped inside this bio-dome without a leaf or flower in sight, you enter the change rooms. Let the fun begin! Now if there was ever a market for second hand bandaids or pubic hair, you can stock up quickly and easily right here. My darkest memory at the pool was the moment when I was exiting the change room at pace and enjoyed the view of an elderly gnome, bending over naked with butt hole and wait, wait, is that? Yes, yes they are hemorrhoids. Bonus! Wow I enjoyed taking that vision with me over the next 1500 meters in our flagship Olympic pool.

Safe to say, swimming is a means to an end for me. I do appreciate I am extremely lucky to be able to swim at all. I’ve actually become fond of outdoor swimming at the regional ‘less fancy’ pools. Even though swimming lacks the excitement component that cycling, running, tennis, football etc do offer, it does replicate that lost connection with ‘mums tummy’ as we float round surrounded by liquid. It’s unique and for that, it certainly gets the tick of approval all bandaid and hairy bottom stories aside.


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